new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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