When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
