I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Operation Purity has been aborted
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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