I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
