I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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