just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
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well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night