rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
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you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i think i just lost a toe