I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Slut skills are useful in every country.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.