using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
All I want is dick and wine.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
