Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
