I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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