My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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