I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We just shotgunned beers for America
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It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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