I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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