Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
