Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
