we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
