U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
