you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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