So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
