so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
