Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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