It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
