i just had sex bonerless
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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