Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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