I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you're hired as official boob wrangler
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
