oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
