If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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