You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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