if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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