We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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