I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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