I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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