Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
