The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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