just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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