I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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