non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
