I wish my penis had an off switch
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize