we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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