I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
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I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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