ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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