I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
