i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
