he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
