No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
