Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
