Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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