Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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