so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
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I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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