Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
