He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
