"it" just moved
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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