im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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