her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
