sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
