if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
