you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
