how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
