I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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