Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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