i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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